We are the sum of our decisions.

We sat down at Matsu at 7:30pm sharp. I totally looked out of place in this party of four. Bald, porcelin skin dusted with cold weather inflicted rosy cheeks and nose and grey and blue eyes that use to gleam with beams of giddiness due to actually purschasing stock in sentiment and hope and flecks of quirky love sequences to fill my hope chest with. My portfolio is much more diverse these days. I draw the happiness more from the now rather than the what could be or should've been. I'm trying on the suit tailored by the mantra "I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now". I'm finding that it is something that you tailor yourself to...the suit is not tailored to fit you.

I've come to like my pointy, Nordic nose, pouty, full lips, and strong jaw. I used to hate my features. When I was younger I would sooth my emotional melee caused by angst and body dysmorphia by sobbing while stuffing my face full of fat girl food followed by Olympic purging. God then introduced me to Mini-Thins. God bless ephedrine. Oh. Speaking of eating.

We sat down...Noah,a former Israeli soldier now a father and in his first marriage to a full blooded Sioux. A Dr. Nathan Archer. I sat next to Rahim. The table was full of olive complexions and dark, chestnut or raven hair. They all looked so handsome and I felt like an albino but was far from the shame I would have felt before I got a spine. Rahim had been very touchy since I rubbed his back at the Warhol exhibit at Union Station earlier that evening. I'll admit it freely that I enjoyed getting the attention from him. His Persian features compliment mine and I love listening to him talk. He may be a Mr. Right Now. We haven't made it yet and I hadn't planned on going there. I try not to plan too much. Maybe if I just have fun and enjoy the moments the "Now" part will just kind of fall off.

We had gone to the exhibit and I have to say that it was refreshing to see some of Andy Warhols lesser known works. There is rumor of a Lichtenstein and Mondriaan exhibit coming....I just about wet my pants over that one. I love love love pop art. Now if I could see a Koons collection!! Hint hint.